Losing Yourself
by Hoehomi-Chan
Summary: Hidamari is fun. 'Sunshine' sketch, right? Apparently not. Each of the girls have been contorted with misery, leading them to dynamic situations whereupon they desperately need help. But it all will be too late. !WARNING! Included bulimia, cutting, extreme depression, suicide, rape...etc. DO NOT READ BELOW THE AGE OF THIRTEEN.
1. Hiro

_Please. _

_Please please please._

_Just a little._

Hiro's pale foot hovered over the scale for a few seconds in hesitation. _Get it over and done with. Come on. Come on._

With stiffened limbs, she transferred her weight from the foot on the bathroom floor to the one on the scale and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, waiting, as the machine calculated how much she weighed. She'd been doing so well this week- limiting cake, having so little lunch, skipping out on breakfast; and she'd even been excersizing, too. She'd run back and forth from school every day, which, albeit not far, was still a form of weight loss activity.

After a few moments, she dared opened her eyes, just the slightest. The world around was fuzzy from being viewed from beneath her lashes, but the bright red electronic numbers stood out even from her blurred vision.

"No!"

With this strangled cry, Hiro dropped from her standing position on the scale into a crouch and clenched her fists on the floor in anger. Why? Even after weeks- months- no, years- of attempting this diet she hadn't prevailed at all. Despite all her efforts they had amounted to next to nothing.

She was fat. Undeniably so. What, with her so called 'fluffy' cheeks and 'fluffy' body. What about her was _fluffy...?!_

Tears of frustration pooled in her eyes and she erupted into a blood-curdling scream. "Why did this happen to me?!"

No one appeared to have heard her, which was just as well, because she began pounding the tiled floor with her fists as sobs wracked her body and self-loathing consumed her. She was fat. Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat. No matter what others said. They were all liars, or just damn blind if they couldn't see her- ahem, ''fluffy''- body's state at its size.

Still shivering in sadness, Hiro glanced up, her face tear stained and miserable. Clutching her stomach with one arm, she began crawling over to the toilet, and the moment she was knelt next to it stuck a single finger down her throat.

_Ugly. Ugly and fat. Ugly ugly ugly._

She choked on her finger as her tongue recoiled at the contact. No, she had to do it...it was the only way to unload the unhappy, hateful feelings that were eating away at her from the inside.

Gagging, Hiro clamped her eyes shut before shoving a second finger to the back of her mouth.

The vomit she had induced spilled out over her lower lip, splashing unpleasantly into the toilet with a disgusting _splosh _as liquid met semi-liquid. It clogged up her throat, making it almost impossible to breathe, but Hiro held on, gripping the toilet seat with all her might, retching as the unpleasantries exited her body. Unpleasantries she had willingly eaten as food earlier on in the day.

Even after she had finshed, she stayed there for a long time, coughing up saliva and acid that burned the back of her throat. She made a very sad, forlorn figure- a pale, shivering, young girl of seventeen hunched up next to the toilet in nought but her underwear, clearly scared.

But of what?

The tears flowed thick and fast with no abandon. Inside, Hiro just felt so hollow- empty, which made sense, considering she had thrown everything up. Why she did this to herself made no sense, not even to her. But it had become a routine. Every night- eleven on the dot- she would stand on the scale before throwing up what she was unhappy with.

She sniffed in a vain attempt to console herself. The pain was too much. It overwhelmed her, and it slowly corrupted her from the inside out.

The pure, bubbly, carefree young woman we all knew seemed to have completely evaporated from this now sad, hunched little figure, seemingly devoid of all happiness.

As if every drop of joy had gone.

With a startled cry that sounded like a gag and a shout combined, Hiro fell upon her knees and threw up again.


	2. Reasoning

_Get rid of it._

_Be rid of the disgusting matireal, clogging up the organs._

_Get it out._

_Don't need it._

_Can sacrifice it._

_Who wants it?_

_Why want to be?_

_It has no purpose._

_Look, its making you fat._

_Making you ugly._

_Look how ugly you are._

_Get it out._

_Self release will only occur when you do._

_...I..._

_I'm..._

_...scared._


End file.
